I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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