I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
