I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
