I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
