You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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