I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
