eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
