were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize