Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
