Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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