just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Farmville is her only friend.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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