I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
