K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
