; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
