also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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