We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
