There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
