My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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