I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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