ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
