you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
