theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
