remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Buhtt sex?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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