yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
