i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
