Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
