In the future we'll all be gay
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
