Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
