"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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