I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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