had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
this hospital has no fireball
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
