You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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