Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize