she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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