bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My vagina just clenched in fear
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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