i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
