I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
