i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
