They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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