Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
