Got a toothbrush?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
