dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
