Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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