I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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