I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
