She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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