So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
