I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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