I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
