so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
