lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
