At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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