I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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