bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
