So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
there is glitter all over my balls
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
