remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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