I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
