Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize