chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
