I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
