My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
