best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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