Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
