Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
