I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
