Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
