You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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