Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
