if you like me you must not know who I am
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
