i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
